Dreaming and Hoping

And so Monday came and went.
A romantic note came from Joel via myspace mail,(where it that sarcasm font...hmmm...it was just there......) here is a steamy excerpt: "I will apologize in advance for my upcoming and continuing lack of response due to..being in too many places at one time... I love your comments..Hope you and your family is doing well..Be cool..be safe! Joel" no x's no o's. There were there in previous notes as were, I can't wait to talk to you, I love having you back in my life and I love you, it was there March 15th. That's about two weeks and now, it just thanks, Joel. Should I just get a clue? He is busy. But he sounds like he is trying not to give me hope. I wrote and sent this to him on March 16th:

*dreaming and hoping*
never to forget
the feelings that you gave me
even now so many years later
a sound a words a chord
can bring the memories rushing back
and i am overwhelmed with
Love, loving feelings for you
always searching
always yearning for that perfect love
but its so far in the past
will it ever ever come back
to me, i am knowing
i am dreaming of that love again
it can live and breath
and be if we give it wings
softly and tenderly nurture it and
make it real again
one look one touch one kiss
and we'll make it ours again

I am not happy so that poem just pisses me off. He never even mentioned it. I know that I am by no means a great poet but hey, say it was nice at the least. I do not know but I feel as though I don't want to give up just yet. I have another poem I wrote for and sent to him. But I will post that another time. I feel bad because at first I had such an huge optimistic outlook for Joel and me. And I hardly gave the other guy a second thought, I might as well tell you, his name is Mike. Now I am thinking about Mike and hoping he hasn't met someone, or got back together with an ex. Yikes!!
Its all so perplexing.

In Different Places

Well, I do not know what to do about this man I love. Maybe it is just a nostalgia thing. Thinking I can go back in time and relive the love we had. His career is taking off really well and he is super busy, performing, rehearsing, writing, recording, and the like. I know and understand this. But I need to know if he wants me back or not. Were in different places he says, but he says he loves me. I guess I will just come out and ask and stop making declarations of undying love. There is another guy I like but I would guiltily choose Joel over him any day. He is also far away from me. I am in TX, Joel's in TN and the other is in FL. I guess I will just ask him and give myself some peace of mind. The problem with the other guy is he cusses a lot and he is younger than I am, way younger. But he's cute and he likes me. We like the same kind of things. I met him working a temporary job when I was in FL. He seems not shy but he never tried to even kiss me. I am shy I need the guy to make the first move because if they do not, there will be no moves!! I wonder if he is a good kisser. I can't see myself with a guy who is not good at kissing. I met a guy at the race track in FL and he came to the mall where I worked to see me. I didn't like him anymore, the light of day and lack of a good beer buzz and all.... But I walked him out to his car and he kissed me, it was awful. I felt I needed to wash my face and brush my teeth for at least an hour after that kiss. He tried to get my phone number but I told him I wasn't allowed to give it out. That excuse still works actually.

I think I know who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

He is a man I used to date many years ago and I found him on Myspace. He responded enthusiastically to my note and we have written back and forth a bit but I am not sure if he wants me back or not. He wrote he doesn't know where we go from here and he loves me being back in his life. He said he doesn't know what to do and for me to help him. I write him and tell him about my day, my life and I have written him poems, pleas for his love. I don't know how to help him. I wonder who if anyone will read this. If you do read this please leave me a note. Thanks. This is my first blog. I think I like it. I can pretend I am Carrie Bradshaw.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Only By Sara Leanne Allred written for Joel
if only i could show you
if i could let you know
id not be like the others
id never let you go
if i could tell you something
if i could make you see
i know it could be better
than in our wildest dreams
id never leave you lonely
id never break your heart
if i could only tell you
in words you wont forget
that i will always hold you
close inside my heart
if i could only show you
whats deep inside of me
the only thing i want to do
is hope that you believe